So yesterday I bought a cap for you..

I guess mainly because you immediately popped into my head the moment C pulled the cap out from the rack..

I guess there’s always excuses I can make up to give the cap to you, but then again that’ll be the second piece of headwear I’ve gotten you..in a row.

I remember how happy I was when you told me you wore the beanie every single day when you were in Korea, I guess it made me feel special? Cause you would’ve had brought it with you everywhere all the time and I guess I would’ve had to pop into your mind at least once or twice when you put it on and took it off, day in, day out.

So here I am again..what right do I have, wanting to be in your thoughts this way? What’s the point really.

Ha. On the long walk home after being out and about for 12 hours straight, I even planned what I would say to you.. Or probably just write to you on your birthday note: Hi my egomaniacal friend (: Glad to see the army hasn’t changed that part of you, hope you’ll do well in OCS. (Of course you will, why do I even bother wasting ink) I seriously don’t know why I keep getting you headwear. Srsly. Lol. But my..I guess justification, for this, is that, it reminded me of you the moment I saw it! Stewie..(I still remember watching family guy tgt while we were in New York!) “Victory will be mine (yours)” I would say way too apt for you, I had to get it hahah. Anyways you’ll still be able to wear it for another year at least no? To cover up your regulation length hair cut; to not spoil the image I still somewhat have of you, without your balding glory ahaha. Wish we talked as much as we used to. Wish we can talk as much as we used to.. Le sigh. But well you still have your ns and I’m in freaking Canada. But you’re still my best fwenn forever right, my ‘most important friend’? :D Hope you have an awesome 19th birthday, and aren’t you glad I’m still around to celebrate it!
*preparing cake and shaving cream*

Well something very closely along the lines of that. Hah. It’s freakin May and I’m writing your birthday wishes for the end of August? & deja vu again, I just hadddd to get myself headwear from the shop I’m getting you yours.. I guess good headwear comes in pairs? NOT. I do really love the headwear I got myself tho, & tbqh, I did consider getting my own before considering getting yours. Well at least this time I really sorta did. Totally wasn’t even looking for a present for you yesterday!

Okay I guess my rambling on is this post is to somewhat justify and unknot myself from having bought you something special again with the rest of the guys way in the back of my head. & that I’d have to seem nonchalant when I give you the biggg present and everyone else just gets meh.

Ahh excuses, excuses. What everyone thrives on. Why am I not over you yet.

FUCKKKK MY PHONE IS FUCKING DEADDDD YCJRFIRCOTFIRSSUAYWSI ARGHHHHH HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH SCHOOL WITHOUT MUSIC AND INTERNET??

HOW AM I GOING TO GET BY WITHOUT WHATSAPP??? & ALL THOSE UNBACKED UP THINGS! AGHHHHHHH FUCKKKK

Even though I fucking trust you enough to let you in on my inner personal thoughts you don’t give a fuck that’s why you don’t fucking know what your best friend’s going through. The part where she needs you the most. There you are fucking it up.

It’s not one of those things whereby its because he’s one of the cutest boys in schools or because everyone else seems obsessed over him.

Not because some girls swoon over the simple act of him holding a door open.

It’s because I actually know him. Because there’s just that much and that long of hours we’ve spent together.

Because there was no head over heels to begin with. Because we can share one look in a cinema when we’re side by side and just know what’s on both our minds. & we just laugh it all out.

Because it’s simply that easy to talk to you & you to me. Because you’re the first guy to offer me a hug when I was having a bad day.& also the first guy to step forth & hug me goodbye.

Because you’re funny, smart and really all that.

& simply because, I’m really almost always happy when I’m with you….

I guess I’ll never have the guts to post this for real. Neither will I have the guts to tell anyone. To say that my eyes filled to the brim as I typed this. To say that the images of you next to me have been flashing in my head for so long.
To ask you what you really wanted to tell me..if it wasn’t a card that everyone could read. Would you have said something different?

That want to lose both our innocence to each other..

Because if someone asked who I lost my first kiss to & I wanted it to be you..

I don’t regret anything. Because you are in fact as good as they all praise. I would know..

But we’ll just be best fwenns for now or maybe forever huh.

If you bring me a shovel, I’ll know then.