I wonder, did you even consider asking me to the dance? Maybe if I had ‘announced’ to you sooner that I was finally back home.. Would I have made it just in time for you to ask me?
I had the perfect white dress you know, the perfect white dress I haven’t had the occasion to wear. I’m not going to waste it on some stupid clubbing spur.
Don’t tell me all that feels are nothing. When I put my arm around your shoulder when taking a picture and you instantly put yours around mine and our heads both inch closer. Is that the closest to an embrace I will get before I leave again & you give me a hug? And even after when someone has come between us you still stretch your arms all the way around to put it on my shoulder. Hah, I remember that once when someone was in between us and we were technically holding hands behind is back.. But you know what’s the worst part? The camera never captures whose hand is on whose. No one’s looking at us from the back, no one knows and it’s just me getting all the jitters.
Hmm maybe, maybe I wish the next time we go drinking together I’d get drunk and so would you. I don’t mind a scandal coming out of this because then maybe you’d be force to consider all that we could be. I can’t tell you how bad I wanted to kiss you goodnight instead of just waking you up and telling you I was leaving as I got off the car.. Because everyone around us is getting attached all of a sudden and it just scared me how you’d get snagged up because well you are all that. With the whole package. Once university starts and just.. Is that selfish of me? I’d have options to explore too when I go to university and I’d go off first.
You told me to just come back and study..why did I so firmly say I had to go to University there? Why..was there any subtle hints of you wanting me here? & when we played who-do-you-think, you said I would be the one to get attached next. But you couldn’t say why. Rofl why did I so lamely say I picked myself too. I would love it if it was because from the night of fun we had you saw it in me that I had what it took to be attached soon. But no I would love it more if it was you who was smittened. But no again, I don’t see you having to suppress too much of anything. Do I make it too easy to be comfortable around? Such that you think nothing’s wrong in being able to be so close to me? But I did love it tho, when you admitted we were close, that we didn’t need formalities or patronising.
Maybe I just need someone to tell me that all these are because I had feelings to throw somewhere before I left and just you..who I had spent so much time with before I left.
Maybe I just need someone to show me.